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iPhone/Android Smartphone OS War Erupts
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LONDON - The smartphone OS conflict erupted into fullscale war this morning as industry goliaths Android and Steve Jobs were seen bellowing and unleashing their full feature lists while running into each other repeatedly.
Click image to enlarge:
The devastation, frozen like an ice cream sandwich
The mobile behemoths towered over the city skyline, making snide remarks about the other to anyone who would listen. Steve Jobs was witnessed hurling a storm iCloud with lightning bolts onto Android's circular head, yelling "Customize THIS you naked openly-fragmented trash can!! Hyuk hyuk [sic]", but the chubby green mascot insisted that it was "happy with its own cloud".
Pressure in the smartphone arena had been mounting the past few months, with each party investing huge resources in an attempt to gain an advantage in the spiralling arms race.
Bystanders say the battle was instigated when Android bit into its ice cream sandwich and great pieces of the chocolate coating plummeted to earth, flattening 48 people who had begun queueing for the iPhone 5 outside the Apple Store on Regent Street.
"Steve Jobs looks much larger than he does on my iPad", said Patty Levinson, a woman who had shown up at the scene 7 seconds after it began, securing prime viewing position before she was struck by a stray widget.
Enormous blackberries pelted themselves against the deadly duo to little effect and were cast aside as if they were expired fruit. Other smartphone operating systems attempted to get involved in the melee but were crushed by a falling iOS 5 teaser billboard.
Paramedics were seen attempting to resuscitate Windows Phone 7 and putting Symbian in a body bag despite its protests that it was still alive. Billions await the result of the epic contest, and the future of the world's mobile phones is poised on the edge of something very slim, sleek and sexy indeed.
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In other news, nobody saw MeeGo run screaming into a burning building in Dickeyville, Wisconsin, moments before it collapsed.
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